Originally written for http://www.TeeMcBee.com Newsletter
A few years ago I saw a movie, “Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood”. There was a scene in the movie between a daughter and her father; the roles played by Sandra Bullock and James Gardner.
In the scene the daughter asked, “Daddy, were you loved enough?” That simple question touched me so deeply, and still does even all these years later.
“Were you loved enough? Being loved enough….what does that mean?
As I pondered this question, I became curious as to how other people might respond. I put out an email asking some friends: Were you loved enough?
One friend, Linda, offered that when she is in meditation with God – that is when she feels loved enough. Another friend, Wendy, said that it’s when she is in relationship with someone and there is respect and acceptance from that person, that she feels loved enough. One new friend was very upfront with her feelings on the subject – she said “Honey, that’s a biggy. I’ll need lots of time and a BIG bottle of wine!”
Where you loved enough?
As I waited for my friends’ responses, I went inside my own life for MY answer to that question: Was Iloved enough?
As I thought upon that simple question, my mind started racing at blinding speed back through my life.
I thought about my marriage that ended in divorce. No, I didn’t feel loved enough, because we couldn’t get past our differences.
Back some more:
I reviewed the relationship with my grandmother. She loved me, and I really loved her–but we didn’t have enough time together. I never got to enough…
Going back some more.
My siblings: Now these relationships are some of my most difficult–for they knew me in all my NOT so stellar moments, as I was trying to learn about life and love. But, some of them do not seem to see me as I am now, only as who I was then. These relationships can be loving, but enough? No.
So now we come to my very first relationship:
My Mom. This relationship is my foundation relationship, and all others are based on it. Talk about LOADED! I don’t know how your relationship was with your Mom, but mine has taught me some major lessons this time around. She recently left this life, and we had great closure. But, was I loved enough? No, not even close.
In reflecting on the question “Was I loved enough?” I arrived at an insight that was COMPLETELY unexpected…
I found that the one person that never loved me enough was ME.
I was so touched by this simple question in that movie because my soul knew that NO ONE can ever love me enough until I love myself enough first!
One of my wise friends, Mary Ann Burrows, wrote her answer to this question… she said it so elegantly: “Being loved enough, is to know that I am love so that I no longer need (that) input from others. Nor could I be affected by others inability to love.”
To love and to be loved is every person’s basic need, whether they realize it or not.
When I started this little exercise, I placed my “being loved enough” on others in my life. Now I’m looking in the right place. I’m learning to love myself enough, so that when in relationship with others, I don’t need them to fill my basic needs, for I’m doing that for myself and their love can be what it should be – a cherry on the top!
So I ask you, “Do you love yourself enough?”