Spirit Talk Mini-Series

Join Kym McBride October 15, 2020 and October 21, 2020 from 7-9 pm as she teams up with author/artist Wendy Fedan for live discussions about the metaphysical world. Wendy will discuss her fiction series, Somewhere In-Between, and Kym will conduct a live psychic reading on Wendy. Both events are sure to be exciting, and you’ll come away with new perspective and questions to ponder. The events are free and open to the public. Register today! 👻


#Metaphysics

#SpirituaLliving

#Medium

#LivePsychicReading

#MetaphysicalBooks

Author Page

Front copyKym McBride and Beverly Hafemeister have published their first book, We Got It All Wrong: death and grief, heaven and hell and mental illness.  It can be found on Amazon.com.

This is the first book in the We Got It All Wrong Series.  The second installment is due out in early 2018.

There is also a companion workbook that walks through the 5 topics addressed in the book 1: Death, grief, heaven, hell and mental illness.  The workbook is a place to allow the reader to delve into their beliefs on those 5 topics. It’s not a teaching tool as much as it’s an excavating tool.

The workbook includes wonderful artwork by Eleanor Hafemeister and Arthur Hoffman who are both related to Beverly,  her mother, and her uncle. They have both been in spirit for decades but their art lives on in this workbook.  It’s scheduled for publication in May 2016.

Retail Price: $16.95

For bulk purchases (and discounts) for groups or book clubs go to our publisher’s site: www.SEImprints.com

Want to be an insider to our new book?

Shy KymWould you like to be on the inside of assisting in developing our fifteen chapter book? We are looking for people interested in the topics of enlightenment, spirits, ghosts, understanding grief, psychic awakenings, working with spirit guides and learning how our souls evolve.  (Book #1 in a series of 5)

 

If you are open to learning while helping by giving us your feedback, we would love to have you participate.

 

The alpha testing will take place in an on-line computer system.  If you have the internet, are interested in our topic, and can type your thoughts, you’re perfect!  The pilot study will consist of reading each chapter and answering a group of questions on the material.

 

The test is scheduled to start on JANUARY 10th  and go through JANUARY 22nd.  We will close it down at midnight on the 22nd.  

 

We know it’s a short time, but we need to gather all your brilliant insights and pack it up for our editors who will take it all into account to help us determine where we need to do re-writes. SO IT’S REALLY IMPORTANT WORK!

 

As a THANK YOU for this work, after the book is finalized into a Kindle version, you will receive a free final copy! (Sept. 2016)

 

Please go to this link http://soulevolutionseries.com/volunteers-needed/  and sign up for Alpha Tester. Plus, we have other volunteer jobs available: Advisors, Book Reviewers, Beta testers, and Public Relations. Sign up for whatever interests you!

Deadline for Alpha Tester sign up is: January 4th, 2016

 

Thanks so much,

Kym McBride & Beverly Hafemeister

WeGotItAllWrong.com

Apps…Apps…I love Apps!

I LOVE Apps! There are GREAT apps out there that can HELP you in your Writing journey.  I have listed a few below, and tell you WHY I love them!  And for your future/currrent authors. if you don’t have a IPad you are LIMITING your organization to a very information needing career!  I use my IPad ALL THE TIME, EVERY DAY.  I will do a post on HOW I use it in the near future- look for it.

MUST HAVE APPS:

Merriam-Webster Dictionary.  I am the WORST speller in the world. Ok, no, I know that is not really true, but I use this dictionary all the time!  I have a huge beef with dictionary’s – at least I once did.  I couldn’t understand how to use the dictionary if I didn’t know HOW TO SPELL THE WORD!  It has caused me even greater stress in my lacking of skills from my childhood through my adult hood.  UGHHHH.  But now with this new app.  I can use the built in microphone and SAY the word and it will pop up with the spelling AND the definition for the word.  I LOVE this app!  It also has a little person inside that will Pronouce the word properly. That is HUGE for me for some harder words.  I would HATE to be a “Don King” with big words that aren’t pronounced properly or used in the wrong context. (yes, I have been known to do that too! But I don’t want to!)  Cost: FREE – I LOVE FREE!

Organization Apps:

Wunderlist: This is a TO DO app.  There are a lot on the market, but here is WHY I like it.  I’ll list my needs and how this app helps me with them.

 #1. I have a publisher, and she is wanting to be updated as to the progress that I’m making on a variety of projects.  Well, I HATE being checked up on. So this app is helping with this HUGE issue.

#2. I work in a variety of locations.  So I use a few different technologies.  When I’m sitting in the back yard and I want to work on something, or I’m at my iMac or I’m at the book store, etc. I have to know what I need to do.

#3 I NEED a LIST that keeps me FOCUSED! I don’t have a family, I don’t have a boyfriend, and I don’t have anyone needing my time. So I am a spontaneous crazy person.  I can go off on a tangent at any moment and at the end of the day, wonder “where did the day go, and I didn’t get one thing done!”

#4 – I HATE to be nagged. But I NEED to be nagged on some level.  

How does this app help my ‘issues’..

#1 – This app allows me to make a ‘list’.  I make one for Mon, Tues., etc.  On the monday list I have my “usual” needs in my book writing area: i.e. Editing and computer changes on manuscript, Networking: write on 2 blogs, Research: Reading, Actual writing: book, posts, articles for other blogs, etc., Rewrites, Research, authors, editors, illustrators, publishers (no, I don’t do all this on one day! It’s just an example of the “repeat” to-do’s I work on over the weeks time).  I can make up this LIST and email it to my publisher. So she knows what is on my schedule for the day.  And will not make needless calls to me asking that very question!  At the end of the day, I can send a update with how many pages in which manuscript I made, or a new editor I thought would work with my ‘style’ etc.  (I haven’t yet done this part…updating, but I plan to! Does that count!)

#2  What really made me choose this app over others that “did more things” or looked prettier, is that it connects all my cool technology/toys.  I make an addition to my “to do” list on the iMac and it automatically sends it to my iPad and to the iPhone!  I don’t have to send it, or do anything.  I CAN hit the syncing button when I make the changes or check off a task, but if I don’t – it just sends it.  I MIGHT have to hit “sync” on the other tool (iPad) but thats an easy step. So when I’m out in the yard sunning myself and I remember that I have to do something…I look at my iPad and it’s all updated as to what I have to accomplish and I have to get my lazy butt moving!

#3 It keeps me “on task” with what I have to accomplish that day.  I have open up on my iMac main window and it’s off to the corner and it just sits and admires me. (at least that’s how I like to see it) and it’s just a quite as a little mouse – showing me the things I need to do today.

#4 Being nagged is the thing I need. And this little app does that.  It allows me to set deadlines and it will move things that have not been done on one day to a little button and list of “overdo” items.  So what I didn’t get to yesterday is being added to another list automatically. And when that little number on the screen says 6 or 8…I know it is adding up my undone tasks! What a nag!  Cost of this fine app: FREE!!!

 Noteshelf – This is a LIFE saver!  Remember I have 13 projects that I want to bring to form.  This app allows me to make a “book” that I can label and add a variety of page types to (graph, to-do lists, story lines, blank paper, yellow legal, etc. or buy more specialized papers )  I can pick a different cover for my book (and buy more cool fun covers)  

For example:  I made a book for “Timingo and Me” my working title for a book about working with my mentor.  In the book, I chose a paper for that ONE PAGE ONLY – of a ‘story board”, I need some sketches for the art work needed for the book.  I can push the “pen” button and with my finger – sketch out my idea for one of the illustrations I would like and I can ALSO  TYPE a note to him as to what I would like the focus to be in the illustration.  I can then send it to my illustrator via email- I make a note of the date sent to him in the corner of the drawing – RIGHT IN THE APP.  Hit save and the book saves the new drawing/description (and note)  and then closes the book and puts it back on my “bookshelf” (it looks like ibooks in that way.)

I can open another book – say “Logos” and see what my needs are in that area – I can write a note to my logo guy and then email it to him with a sketch of the logo ideas that I have.  It keeps it all in one place and I can get it on my iPad, which I use in more situations then on my iMac.  It’s the best that I have found and I have fun visual “books” of all my projects and I even have one for “Random ideas”, “Blog post articles”, “wish list”, etc.  

You can also make multiple books that you can attach to each other. For instance, with each of my children’s books, I have a book with the name of the project that has all my notes and drawings and to-do’s for that single project. But I wanted a second book -attached to that project that had all my RESEARCH on that ONE project. So I attached a second book to it.  So when I select that book project up pops up BOTH books and I can keep my research separate from the other “business” information.

Noteshelf has a FREE app for you to play with. But if you find you like it, beware that the information that you put in the free version might NOT transfer to the PAID version.  So play with it, and if you see it has usefulness, go buy the paid version.  You can also purchase more book covers (I love poka dots!) and more specialize paper types.  The paid version is $5.99 but well worth it! and the extra’s run .99 for a variety of covers or papers  (not just one or two- more like 4-6)  GREAT App.

Evernote- I haven’t used it a lot.  It has a lot of cool things you can use for organizing a bunch of stuff.  I mostly use it to grab things from the web that I want to read later.  I have it set up as a email address to accept things I want to work on and in some of my other apps, it has a drop down box and lets me send it to that address – easy and cool.  I HIGHLY suggest you check it out.  It might help you with a lot of your issues.  I have it on my list to ‘play’ with it .  

 

Lesson Learned: Just like having too many magazines, you MIGHT find you have too many apps.  Get the free apps, play with them and see if they are really worth buying, if not – delete it. Get apps that HELP your organization and writing – not make ONE MORE THING you need to worry about.  I do also suggest that you keep checking the app store, this technology changes so quickly and more and more developers out there – so really cool stuff is coming down the pike!  Have fun with it – if not fun or productive – hit DELETE

 

 

Kym is Paying it Forward

Earlier this week I sent out this email:
This a.m., I was awoken with a “suggestion” from my Guides. They said that in this time of transition in so many people’s lives, HOPE was needed. And that I can offer that “Light at the end of the tunnel”.
 They said that many people only have a question that they need see clarity on, and if I wished to help, I could offer help.
 They used the word “Pay it Forward,” ( which is one of my most favorite movies.)
So here’s what we came up with.
 Due to the financial strains that we are all feeling, I would like to offer this “Pay it Forward” help.
 I will reserved 2 readings time slots a day to anyone that has ONE QUESTION that is causing them concern.  (I can’t offer Mediumship at this point – due to time)
In exchange for giving clarity on this one question, I will take a DONATION  in what ever you can afford to make.
To make this donation, it will need to be made through Pay Pal. 
 So tell you friends, and if you need it – and can’t afford to schedule a reading due to finances, this is offered to anyone in need.
 Please note: I only have space for 2 readings a day (through the end of the year- 2011), this is “finacial-hardship” opportunity only.
 I would love to help as many people as I can with this Pay it Forward opportunity. So please forward this to your friends and family.
 Pay it Forward = 1 reading of ONE QUESTION for a Donation of your choosing.
 The exchange is just an energy exchange, for only what people “pay for” do they value. That is why a donation is asked for.  I am donating this money to a needy family that I work with.
 Thank you, Kym McBride
 If any one knows of someone in need, please direct them to the top of my website (www.KymMcBride.com) and go to the TAB – “PAY IT FORWARD”  There is additional information at the bottom of the post and directions on how to get this Special – One Question Reading.
And remember – we ALL can Pay It Forward in our own ways – find one that works for you and DO IT!
 Kym

Post by Kym: Cutting the Strings

I’m posting this on 11/9/11 and I hope that on a VERY POWERFUL energy day of 11/11/11 that you use this exercise to “disconnect” for people or things that no longer honor who you are.  Read through it, and do it as soon as you can (do it now, AND again on Nov. 11th if you can)  – but PLEASE use it on 11/11/11 for using all the energy that will be dislodged into the universe.  WATCH OUT! IT’S POWERFUL!

CUTTING THE STRINGS:       

This meditation is for removing emotional connections to people.  It’s very simple and I use this with many of my clients that are “too emotionally invested in another person”.  For instance: an old boyfriend, or a relationship that is no longer honoring you, or even a child/spouse/sibling that seems to always being able to PULL you in!

THIS IS GREAT for even un-equated love.

  • Get in a quite place.
  • You can  lay down or sit in a chair – what ever position is good for you.
  • Now, close your eyes  and BREATH in through your nose and out through your mouth about 4-5 times. (this relaxes you)
  • Then picture the person that you need to “disconnect” from in front of you. (or thing – House worries, Car problems, etc)
  • Now say, “Show me the strings that are connecting us” (in your head).  You will be really surprised what you will see. (Their might be strings connecting them to you or a cord, or it can be large as tree trunk or anything in between!)
  • Now, at this point you can tell the person what you feel about this unhealthy  connection that is going on between the two of you. (You will be saying this in your head).  You can be kind, or yell at them, do what ever you need to do to tell your TRUTH.
  • Then picture a pair of huge scissors in your hand (or a hatchet if the strings are like trunks of a tree) and start cutting the “cords/strings/trunks”.
  • Now you might find that as quickly as you start cutting the “cords” that bind you – the other person starts sending out more connectors to you!  Keep cutting, but if they won’t stop sending out more cords,  you might have to put a big wall between you!
  • Picture a wall all tall as you can see and as long as you can see in all directions! It can be a brick wall or a clear wall (so you can still see them – some people love the other person, so they still need to SEE them…then make the wall clear like glass) but the wall is to STOP them for re-connecting their cords/strings/trucks to you.

This excerise is VERY powerful.  It might be a very emoitional process too – just keep doing it.

That’s all there is to it.  Keep repeating it as much as you need to.  The emotional connection will go to netural and that means that they are not affecting you like they have in the past. THIS IS POWERFUL!

FOREWARNED: One thing you need to know – that this is an ENERGY cutting and the other person will FEEL this disconnect – so DON’T be surprised if you get a call or an email from them after doing this (you might not of heard from them in years….)  They will most likely have no idea why they have a need to re-connect, but just that they have to.  You need to be aware of this, and decide on how you want to deal with them (if it’s a  long time since you talked)

Good luck and PLEASE leave contact me with your results!  GOOD LUCK!

For more exercises check out: http://www.KymMcBride.com

Post by Kym: “I Deserve..or DO I?”

I work with many clients that are perplexed about not having the success they desire in some areas of their life. Be it in their career, in romance, family relationships or in their finances. But one of the perks of this job, I also get a chance to learn right along side of my clients. It really isn’t me advising my clients, that information just comes through me from the Universal Source (God)….I’m just the conduit of this wisdom not the producer of that wisdom. So I am just as surprised about the information that comes forth as my client is to hear it! There is also another advantage to this type of work. Some might call it a disadvantage… but God directs clients to me that are have the same issues that I myself need to “look at” in my own life.. I sometime say it’s the “bate-and-switch” reading. It’s usually on issues that I have not taken the time to dissect. But when I’m working for someone, that’s the very thing I’m hired to do – the dissection happens. My issues might not play out EXACTLY like my clients, but its close enough for me to “connect the dots”. And that’s exactly what happened this past month- the “old batch and switch”, happened over and over again (at least until I caught on!)

Through one of my clients, I was able to clearly see how we ALL deal with deservedness issues in one area or another. The funny thing is deservedness doesn’t happen across the board. They might have no problem in their careers, but their love live is a shambles. Or they might have really good relationships but they can’t seem to hold down a job. For one client, I was given a vision that explained things to me quite clearly. I was shown a Candy Land game board, and my client was just moving along the candy land road and then all of a sudden up from the board came a little cardboard wall in her path. And it stopped her in her tracks… She just could not get around it, or over it, she had to go through it. And in going through it, she had to understand what it was (identify it) and then look at WHY it popped up in this road. I asked my guides (the people whom I talk with) and asked them to identify it for me, and they said it was her deservedness or more exactly her feelings/belief that she is UN-deserving of the very thing she had been working for and said “NO, I really want this in my life.”

They explained that WANTING something and really knowing you DESERVE it- are two completely different things! It is a lot more then WISHING, and WANTING, deservedness over rides all the “laws of attraction” type thinking. Because if you don’t believe that you truly deserve it, then there is no way you will ever get it, or keep it. You will self-sabotage it all along your Candy Land road. Let me tell you the VERY simple way of finding out if Deservedness or really if you feel you are UN-deserving of the thing you Want or Wish….you get the answer from your inner guidance. Ok, there is one tool that you have heard about FOREVER and that is Meditation. Oh, I hear the groan! Meditation is not hard at all – at least not the way I teach it..

Go in a private place…..put ear plugs in if you have to (due to your family and kids) and just RELAX and take a few very deep breaths in from your nose and out through your mouth. Do that about 4-6 times. You are now in your alpha state. Now if you’re like the majority of people out there you will be having a ton thoughts zooming through your mind. Just let them zoom past, this will pass and then you will be more clear minded. (don’t THINK about these zooming thoughts – just let them pass you by)

Now ask the questions that you need to know, say it out loud if need be, just like you are asking something of a person sitting right in front of you. For example, “Do I deserve real romantic love in my life?” Now here is the tricky part. PAY ATTENTION to every feeling you have. Do you FEEL your heart tighten? Do you feel emotion rush to your eyes, do you have a pain in your gut? THESE are the CLUES! Go to the feeling of the tightening in your heart (or where ever area is affected by this question) and ASK – why am I feeling this tightening? And let it answer you. The answer is in the thought that pops in your head! The memory that you remember, or the sense that you get… THIS IS GOD TALKING TO YOU – though you! Listen to it, ask more questions. Ask WHY did I just remember a day with my Grandpa way back when I was 6? Why did that memory come up? ASK QUESTIONS and I PROMISE YOU will get answers BUT ONLY if you listen to the feelings you are feeling, or sensing! Some come in pictures in your mind; some come in feelings in your body or mind. INTERVIEW them, the more questions you ask, the more answers you will receive.

I’m not saying this will be easy at first for many people. So many are very good at ignoring what’s going on inside….but some will be good right out the gate. This connection to your inner guidance is the greatest gift in the world. So keep doing it…keep trying to get the clarity that they are so happy to give. Only in looking at the CLUES your mind and body give you, will you uncover the core issue that is preventing you from having all the success in all areas of your life that you really say you want to experience. And when you uncover that very thing stopping you, you’ll find it is a belief that you have that was usually accepted in your childhood. For instance, “I’m un-lovable, that’s why I don’t really believe that I can find real, healthy love in my life. I’m un-lovable!” Now remember that was a belief of a child….for a variety of reasons, she “believed that”. Looking and feeling the way your little child felt about being un-lovable is so important in this process. Look at WHY she came to this conclusion, feel it, smell it, know and understand her view. Now you have to really look at that belief and see if that is really true at this stage of your life, and DECIDE if that BELIEF is still true? And if it isn’t…then discard it from your Candy Land path.

Just picture yourself holding a balloon in your hands that isn’t of value to you, so just release it…

watch it float up into the clouds. It’s now gone. You are free from it. That’s all there is to it! I know it works, I do it for a profession, and you can do it too.

THIS is your intuition…learn to listen for you have all the answers inside you- to EVERYTHING!

Check out more Exercises on :www.KymMcBride.com

Changing Roles…and it’s confusion

Recently I the great honor of talking with a very wise, loving parent of a client of mine. He was her father who was in spirit and yet his guidance was profound not only to my client, but to myself. (A side benefit to doing my type of work).

The “insight” that we gained on that early Sunday morning hit home for me, because I was seeing friends and family around me that were also in the same situation as my client.

I asked my client if I could use this “wisdom” for an article on my blog and she gave me approval, so I hope those that need to “see” on this topic are able to let it in.  And if you know anyone that might need this, please pass it on.

For ease of reading, we will call my client, Alice and her father, Dad.  

Alice’s Dad joined us and brought up this topic on his own, (and I later found out that he brought up this topic to her when he was still alive).

Dad was excited for Alice to be in this new transition in her life.  Alice’s daughter was getting married at the end of the week, and it was a very happy occasion for all.  He talked about how excited he was to be coming to the event also.

Dad parlayed this celebration talk into the fact that she was moving into a new phase of her life (empty nester) and talked about her role as a Grandparent.  He said “Getting the distance and reaping the benefits”.

(Alice is a grandparent with one grand-daughter and she takes care of her on a daily basis. And is very happy about this situation.)

Dad told Alice, “That in way too many levels you are parenting still with your grand-daughter, and that is not where you are to be at this point in your life.  You are taking up the parenting that the parents should be doing!”

He wanted me to be blunt with her, he said, “You are interfering, your intent is not to hurt, but by taking on these roles of parenting, you are not allowing these young parents to learn to do it. So you are interfering in the process.”

Dad lovingly said, “Because you are still playing out the parenting role, you are missing out on the true gift of being the Grandparent! You think your helping, but because you are still “parenting” you CAN’T be the true Grandparent the way you should be.”

He went on, “You are not able to parent YOUR children from a new prospective.  You need to help them to become good parents.  They need your input.  So you are losing out here, and our children are losing out on having an adult parent parenting them as adults.  Your adult children are going through major struggles, and transitions and they would really like the input from a mutually respected adult, but you don’t have the energy (or distance from the situation) because you are doing the basic parenting for your grand-child.  So they lose out too.

The grand-child is also losing out, because she NEEDS her own parents to parent her and she can’t have a grandma because your too busy being a parent, because you are not really in the role of being her Grandma!  You can’t do both roles…not really.”

At this point, I was inspired by her Dad to add my own experience here in the reading…

“I had the most amazing Grandma. She was completely crazy but I wouldn’t give up my crazy Grandma for nobody!   She’s the one I ran too, she was my soft place to fall, for I knew- no matter what, she love me above everything and would protect me but she had distance from me.  She wasn’t raising me and parenting me, but she was firmly in my grandparent role.  Nobody to this day, some 30 years later, could ever take her place in my heart.  That is strictly my Grandmothers place.  But I don’t think that because of the way that your currently doing it, your grand-daughter will have those same feelings for you, she will have very MOTHERLY feelings and that a different feeling then a GRANDMOTHER feelings.  All because your parenting her.”

Alice’s Dad jumped back in and said, “You really feeling that your doing the best for everyone but your really doing it for YOU! (even if they APPEAR to be “Helping them”)  We all do! We put our needs above other peoples needs; your need is to be totally infused in someones life.  When your children grew up, you had a great loss in that area of your life. And when you had your grand-daughter, you pulled her to you.  You made it easy to let the young parents to lean on you, to allow you to do this and it’s not a healthy thing.”

He said, “ I need to be blunt with you, you have known a lot of these things (about this situation) but it hurt you too much to make any changes. I told you. I know how you think, “Well, it’s only a short time”, you have raised children, you know that she’ll become a teenager and it’s “only a short time”….but this is a very profound time!  And your children are not learning to be parents properly.”

I said, “Your Dad wants you to understand in a way that you can see what your doing, because you will be having more grandchildren and you can’t keep doing this, it will be harder.  For one, you can already seeing that you can’t do certain things the way you did before, your getting older…he’s trying to save you a lot of pain in the future. Plus you should allow your adult children to learn to be parents while you’re still here to give them the guidance they will need….isn’t that better then them trying to learn it themselves when your gone?

Alice said, “I get it Dad!”

Dad replied, “I really want you to enjoy being a Grandparent and you have not had that yet. I want you to have that immense relationship.  And you are not having the life that you should be having at this junction, at this point in your life because your are still be a parent!

Dad then went on to say, ” Soon her daughter would be having a baby.  And there will be a lot of jealousy from your daughter, because you are not being as “involved” like you did with your first grand-child. UNLESS you start to make boundaries and place the parenting role firmly back in the hands of the parents.”

My client, Alice, had a very clear and direct “parenting lesson” from her father.  It was blunt and to the point, and being the voice to what Dad had to say – stung me at some points as I’m sure it stung her.  But it was said so lovingly and tender, it did NOT come out as a scolding, but very clear insight from one adult parent to another.

Even in Death, our parents are still looking out for us.

Thank you Dad and Alice for allowing me to share this important lesson for parents and Grandparents everywhere.

Kym

Do No Harm..


I speak to a lot of people in my profession as a Intuitive.  Clients call for information on their love life, career and money. But the topic that really intrigues me is relationships.

Not just the opposite sex relationships, but our family and friend relationships.

I have heard many stories about someone feeling that they are being dissed by a family member; being it a sister, or an in-law (out-laws as my oldest sister calls them!)  Or a co-worker, friend, child, spouse and everyone in between.

Time and time again, I start to hear the regurgitation of the “same-story-but-a-different-day” from clients, friends and family, about someone in their life that has done them wrong in some way. They tell me how they are upset by this remark, or this behavior or how they were ignored at this family get together, or this co-worker pushed them under the bus with the boss……it goes on and on.

I will say it here…. “The hardest thing we will EVER have to deal with in this life is RELATIONSHIPS- ALL relationships!”

But it is also only in relationship do we GROW the most! Relationships are a RISK!  They hurt! They push, they stretch us and most of all they TEACH us. We GROW from these relationships…but it’s a lot of work too!

I find so many people are not willing to take the biggest risk of all with their relationships.  And that risk is telling the truth.  THE TRUTH as we see it and feel it.

Not telling the truth is LYING.  Lying is wrong on any level, but us woman are taught that HURTING someone is the cardinal sin of all!  So this is where we have the conflict.  We think “If I tell them the truth about how their behavior hurt me or someone I love, then I would hurt them. So I can’t hurt  them, so I’ll just suck it up and move on”.

The problem is THAT WE DON’T MOVE ON.  We stuff and stuff each and every  hurt, and soon we start to get sick, or we act out in other ways (stuffing our faces, or drinking and other self-medicating things like emotion shopping!) When it gets REALLY bad- we start making our own little “pokes” or avoid their calls, we stop going over for holidays, we pull away.  We do this all to avoid hurting others, but that is all B.S.! We are avoiding being honest.  We are avoiding the risk of them not hearing us, or lashing out at us, we are avoiding our OWN PAIN in NOT being honest with others.

YOU ARE DOING A DIS-SERVICE To people in your life by NOT TELLING THEM THE TRUTH.

By NOT telling your mother-in-law that you are upset that she is not treating your children with support and respect, is teaching your children that this behavior is OK!  But you’re also HURTING your mother-in-law, because you are not giving her the answer to her questions…”Why don’t I have good relationships with my grand-children. Why don’t my grand-children ever call or come over?”  YOU HAVE THE ANSWER, GIVE TO HER.  Let her make a different choice. But if she is unaware of her behavior, she can never change it.

You KNOW that your best friend says hurtful things to her 6 year-old daughter, like she is “getting chubby”, you know it’s is undermining the child’s self-esteem, even if the mother THINKS she is “helping” the child.  You had this kind of “helpful” mother, and you have the scars to prove it!  Let her know what she is doing.  Stop the madness and the damage that is being done to children that will soon be wounded adults.  YOU CAN CHANGE A CHILD’S life by being a involved, aware, and honest friend to their mother.

If your sister/brother/friend makes cutting remarks about your work, your husband/wife, your house, your life- and you ALLOW them to continue this time after time, you are teaching them how to treat you.  They may be  acting out somethings that may have nothing to do with you, but as long as you are playing their punching bag, they will continue to use you as their outlet.  Even the abuser is being a victim in someway. Help them SEE what they are doing.

Being honest does NOT equal MEAN or confrontational in a negative way.  Being honest to another in a loving and compassionate way is a GIFT.  A gift of insight. A gift of truthfulness. A gift of Love.

A great quote by Neale Donald Walsch from Conversations with God is, “It’s not how well the message is received as much as how it is given.”  It is not up to us how another takes our truth, but our greatest responsibility is to give it lovingly, compassionately and honesty.

Be honest, in helping yourself to address things that hurt you, you in return are helping the other person to see themselves and giving them a gift of knowledge to make adjustments but if they choose to cut off the relationship or to lash out at you, then you know that you did all that you could, then release them with love, and know that you Did No Harm.

Enough?

Originally written for http://www.TeeMcBee.com Newsletter

A few years ago I saw a movie, “Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood”.   There was a scene in the movie between a daughter and her father; the roles played by Sandra Bullock and James Gardner.

In the scene the daughter asked, “Daddy, were you loved enough?” That simple question touched me so deeply, and still does even all these years later.

“Were you loved enough? Being loved enough….what does that mean?

As I pondered this question, I became curious as to how other people might respond. I put out an email asking some friends: Were you loved enough?

One friend, Linda, offered that when she is in meditation with God – that is when she feels loved enough.   Another friend, Wendy, said that it’s when she is in relationship with someone and there is respect and acceptance from that person, that she feels loved enough. One new friend was very upfront with her feelings on the subject – she said “Honey, that’s a biggy. I’ll need lots of time and a BIG bottle of wine!”

Where you loved enough?

As I waited for my friends’ responses, I went inside my own life for MY answer to that question: Was Iloved enough?

As I thought upon that simple question, my mind started racing at blinding speed back through my life.

I thought about my marriage that ended in divorce. No, I didn’t feel loved enough, because we couldn’t get past our differences.

Back some more:

I reviewed the relationship with my grandmother. She loved me, and I really loved her–but we didn’t have enough time together.  I never got to enough

Going back some more.

My siblings: Now these relationships are some of my most difficult–for they knew me in all my NOT so stellar moments, as I was trying to learn about life and love. But, some of them do not seem to see me as I am now, only as who I was then.  These relationships can be loving, but enough? No.

So now we come to my very first relationship:

My Mom. This relationship is my foundation relationship, and all others are based on it. Talk about LOADED! I don’t know how your relationship was with your Mom, but mine has taught me some major lessons this time around. She recently left this life, and we had great closure. But, was I loved enough? No, not even close.

In reflecting on the question “Was I loved enough?” I arrived at an insight that was COMPLETELY unexpected…

I found that the one person that never loved me enough was ME.

I was so touched by this simple question in that movie because my soul knew that NO ONE can ever love me enough until I love myself enough first!

One of my wise friends, Mary Ann Burrows, wrote her answer to this question… she said it so elegantly: “Being loved enough, is to know that I am love so that I no longer need (that) input from others. Nor could I be affected by others inability to love.”

To love and to be loved is every person’s basic need, whether they realize it or not.

When I started this little exercise, I placed my “being loved enough” on others in my life. Now I’m looking in the right place. I’m learning to love myself enough, so that when in relationship with others, I don’t need them to fill my basic needs, for I’m doing that for myself and their love can be what it should be – a cherry on the top!

So I ask you, “Do you love yourself enough?”