I speak to a lot of people in my profession as a Intuitive. Clients call for information on their love life, career and money. But the topic that really intrigues me is relationships.
Not just the opposite sex relationships, but our family and friend relationships.
I have heard many stories about someone feeling that they are being dissed by a family member; being it a sister, or an in-law (out-laws as my oldest sister calls them!) Or a co-worker, friend, child, spouse and everyone in between.
Time and time again, I start to hear the regurgitation of the “same-story-but-a-different-day” from clients, friends and family, about someone in their life that has done them wrong in some way. They tell me how they are upset by this remark, or this behavior or how they were ignored at this family get together, or this co-worker pushed them under the bus with the boss……it goes on and on.
I will say it here…. “The hardest thing we will EVER have to deal with in this life is RELATIONSHIPS- ALL relationships!”
But it is also only in relationship do we GROW the most! Relationships are a RISK! They hurt! They push, they stretch us and most of all they TEACH us. We GROW from these relationships…but it’s a lot of work too!
I find so many people are not willing to take the biggest risk of all with their relationships. And that risk is telling the truth. THE TRUTH as we see it and feel it.
Not telling the truth is LYING. Lying is wrong on any level, but us woman are taught that HURTING someone is the cardinal sin of all! So this is where we have the conflict. We think “If I tell them the truth about how their behavior hurt me or someone I love, then I would hurt them. So I can’t hurt them, so I’ll just suck it up and move on”.
The problem is THAT WE DON’T MOVE ON. We stuff and stuff each and every hurt, and soon we start to get sick, or we act out in other ways (stuffing our faces, or drinking and other self-medicating things like emotion shopping!) When it gets REALLY bad- we start making our own little “pokes” or avoid their calls, we stop going over for holidays, we pull away. We do this all to avoid hurting others, but that is all B.S.! We are avoiding being honest. We are avoiding the risk of them not hearing us, or lashing out at us, we are avoiding our OWN PAIN in NOT being honest with others.
YOU ARE DOING A DIS-SERVICE To people in your life by NOT TELLING THEM THE TRUTH.
By NOT telling your mother-in-law that you are upset that she is not treating your children with support and respect, is teaching your children that this behavior is OK! But you’re also HURTING your mother-in-law, because you are not giving her the answer to her questions…”Why don’t I have good relationships with my grand-children. Why don’t my grand-children ever call or come over?” YOU HAVE THE ANSWER, GIVE TO HER. Let her make a different choice. But if she is unaware of her behavior, she can never change it.
You KNOW that your best friend says hurtful things to her 6 year-old daughter, like she is “getting chubby”, you know it’s is undermining the child’s self-esteem, even if the mother THINKS she is “helping” the child. You had this kind of “helpful” mother, and you have the scars to prove it! Let her know what she is doing. Stop the madness and the damage that is being done to children that will soon be wounded adults. YOU CAN CHANGE A CHILD’S life by being a involved, aware, and honest friend to their mother.
If your sister/brother/friend makes cutting remarks about your work, your husband/wife, your house, your life- and you ALLOW them to continue this time after time, you are teaching them how to treat you. They may be acting out somethings that may have nothing to do with you, but as long as you are playing their punching bag, they will continue to use you as their outlet. Even the abuser is being a victim in someway. Help them SEE what they are doing.
Being honest does NOT equal MEAN or confrontational in a negative way. Being honest to another in a loving and compassionate way is a GIFT. A gift of insight. A gift of truthfulness. A gift of Love.
A great quote by Neale Donald Walsch from Conversations with God is, “It’s not how well the message is received as much as how it is given.” It is not up to us how another takes our truth, but our greatest responsibility is to give it lovingly, compassionately and honesty.
Be honest, in helping yourself to address things that hurt you, you in return are helping the other person to see themselves and giving them a gift of knowledge to make adjustments but if they choose to cut off the relationship or to lash out at you, then you know that you did all that you could, then release them with love, and know that you Did No Harm.